


Why Don't You Take A Seat?

by Konstantinsen



Category: RWBY, To Catch A Predator (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-19 18:45:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16540091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Konstantinsen/pseuds/Konstantinsen
Summary: This is twenty-year-old Jaune Arc. He came here to meet with who he believes to be a fifteen-year-old girl named Ruby Rose... [two-shot]





	1. Jaune

**Author's Note:**

> I need to reel in my muses. They're running loose again.

“ _Good evening. I'm Rhys Cranson and you're watching Timeline, BNC...”_

* * *

Twenty-year-old Jaune Arc was a young man of many contradictions. One being that he was very overprotective of his underaged sisters while harboring a deviant desire to be pleasured by a similarly-aged girl...so long as she was neither blonde nor within the Arc bloodline. So he when he met fifteen-year-old Ruby Rose through an online chatroom, he could not resist the opportunity to finally sate this long-suppressed hunger.

It started innocently enough. Then, he pressed his luck. And, boy, was he lucky! Ruby apparently was in that stage of exploring more of herself. Jaune was familiar with that period in a girl's life and made no attempt to hide his willingness to help her in that regard. The lewd language came naturally, him teaching young Ruby—otherwise affectionately nicknamed 'Rubes'—the miraculous experience shared between a man and a woman when they fall in love.

After a month of communicating online, inclusive of sharing pictures—photos of her pretty face made more beautiful by the reddening tips of her hair as well as photos of him and his 'work-in-progress' body (including the legendary Arc sword, of course)—they managed to set a date to meet in person. It was on a privately-owned lodge on the island of Patch which was barely an hour's ride via bullhead from Vale. No distance, fare hike, or motion sickness could hinder this thirsty youth in his journey to be with young Ruby.

Eventually, he was on the doorstep of the house. It was a large house, isolated in the wooded parts of the island which did not seem all that worrisome. He was sure there was a reason why the people who built this would choose to live this deep in the wilds where Grimm often prominent. At least the Huntsmen from nearby Signal Academy were culling the Beowolf herds.

He knocked on the door.

“Come on in!” Ruby's adorably squeaky voice called out from inside.

Jaune grinned from ear to ear as he helped himself inside, home-baked cookies and store-bought milk in hand. “Ruby~! I'm here! I got your cookies and your milk. And some extra, too~!”

“You brought your sword? Awesome!” her voice rang out from somewhere in this vast yet empty house.

For one, the place was neat. Clean carpet, pristine furniture. It was a perfect getaway for anyone wanting to really get away from Vale's urban niches. The blonde bachelor set his presents on the kitchen table beside a plate of red velvet cupcakes.

“Red velvet cupcakes, huh. You made these?” he called.

“Yep!” she replied from that closed door over there. Was she in the bathroom? Ooh, maybe he could sneak a peak. After helping himself to some of these cupcakes, of course.

“Nice,” Jaune mumbled, savoring the sugary sweetness that was red velvet. Kind of reminded him of that faunus Velvet. “You got a big house, huh, Rubes.”

“I know. My house is beautiful, I love my house. In fact, it's so big it can fit my whole class!”

“You're still studying at Signal?”

“Yeah! My dad and uncle are teachers there.”

Huh. Good to know. He was in the homestead of accomplished Huntsmen. Boy, he would be in a load of trouble if either of her guardians were to suddenly pop in. “They live with you?”

“Yeah. But they're out on some big hunt so they won't be back for another couple days.”

Score! He should have packed some extra clothes and some toiletries.

“My sister Yang, though. She made it into Beacon this year so she won't be around for much longer,” she continued a little somberly.

Eh, nothing he should worry about. “Where's your sister? Shouldn't she be watching over you or something?” Come on, keep playing the big brother card while he still could. It made him a little giddy.

“She's having a sleepover with some friends so it's just me.”

This evening could never get any better, despite that small muted voice nagging at him in the back of his mind...which he promptly ignored. He finished off the remaining cupcakes. They were strangely hard, as though they had been sitting out for the whole day—then again, it was probably Ruby's inexperience with baking. The girl said she loved to eat more than cook.

Come to think of it, Ruby was taking her time to pretty herself up for him.

“Where are you? Will you come out~?”

“Oh, I'm still changing. I spilled some milk earlier.”

“Aww, you don't have to change, Ruby~!” the blonde cooed, a hungry smile embedded onto his face. “Remember, I brought you cookies and milk.” And then some. “You might get messy again and have to change again.”

A giggle. Aww, that adorable squeaky giggle that really got the cogs the animalistic side of his brain turning. “Oh! D-did you bring...did you bring protection?”

Jaune stood up. That door there. He reached for the handle, his mood and moxie up at maximum to get this party started. “Yeah~...”

Instead of Ruby, however, he was greeted by an older man a foot taller than him. He was a blonde like him and was dressed in a black suit while carrying a binder. “The only bad news about that is you're probably not going to need that sort of protection tonight,” he said.

Jaune nearly stumbled back. Thankfully, he managed to maintain his footing as he backtracked until his clenched butt cheeks pressed against the corners of the kitchen table. “H-hello, s-sir!”

Oh, shit. Oh, shit! No, no, _no_ , _NO_! _SHIT_!

“How're you doing tonight?” the man greeted a little too cheerfully.

“F-fine, sir.”

He gestured at the stool by the table. “Why don't you take a seat?”

* * *

_“This is twenty-year-old Jaune Arc. He came here expecting to sleep with a fifteen-year-old girl named Ruby...”_

* * *

**ORIGINALLY DRAFTED: November 6, 2018**

**LAST EDITED: November 6, 2018**

**INITIALLY UPLOADED: November 6, 2018**

**NOTE: I might follow-up with another one depending on the cogs grinding in my head.**  


	2. Sun

_“This investigation takes place in Kuo Kuana, Menagerie...”_

* * *

Sun Wukong gulped as he sat down like an obedient schoolboy with his hands firmly planted onto the countertop while his tail curled up in indignant shame. This was it. He was so screwed. He should have trusted his gut instinct that something was off when he showed up here. He should have known that Blake was older than she looked—she had hips that were too mature though he didn't personally mind her well-grown backside though. Only when she unassumingly disappeared behind the curtain did he feel his world crumble.

“I should've seen this coming...”

“Unfortunately, you didn't,” casually sniped Rhys Cranson of Timeline BNC. “What brought here tonight, Sun?”

“I just...wanted to...y'know...see if she was...okay,” the faunus stammered.

“So you came here. All the way from Vale. To an underage girl's house here in Menagerie. Just to see to her well-being?”

“Y-y-yeah.”

Mister Cranson was not buying it. However, Sun was panicking too much to notice how badly his lie was falling apart without the journalist in front of him throwing questions that drew from him answers that would surely condemn him. “Do you know how old Blake is?”

“She told me she was...eighteen.”

“Eighteen? She told you she was fourteen.”

“Sir, I'm telling you, she said she was eighteen!” Sun pressed desperately.

“According to this chat, she made it clear twice that she was fourteen years old. And according to this”—the man ran his finger along a highlighted section of the hard copy of his chat log with Blake—“you acknowledged it. Three times. You even said that you wished she was a year younger.”

The monkey faunus wanted to bury his head in his sweaty hands. He lost this one. “... Y-yeah. I thought she was thirteen. Then she told me she was fourteen.”

“So you were lying to me.”

He deflated. “I...uh...y-yeah...sorry.”

“Did you bring condoms?”

“I didn't buy any...condoms.”

“But do you have them?”

“I have one on me...” Shit. He got baited good. Damn it! Sun wept in defeat as he admittedly fished out the unopened packet from his back pocket and plopped it on the countertop. “...at all times, y'know. Like, you never know, when, uh...you might find them...useful.”

“So you carry condoms...all the time?”

“It's to, uh, keep them from getting crushed.”

Rhys raised a disbelieving brow. “Crushed?”

He shrugged poorly. “Yeah, crushed. Y'know...they're pretty flimsy and, uh, when, y'know, uh...you may never know?”

“Did you intend to use them?”

“No, no, n-not tonight—I mean—not today—shit—I mean, uh, I didn't plan on using them.” He kept swallowing the lumps in his throat with the corners of the countertop fogging up from the amount of sweat seeping through his fingers.

“You didn't plan on using them? Well, it says here...that you were going to. Very descriptively, I might add.”

Sun whinnied pathetically as Rhys continued to read off more and more damning lines from their chat log.

“... You're too pretty for your age, L-O-L...”

“... You do know that you're going to 'blank' my 'blank'...”

“... I am going to put you up against the shower wall and put my 'blank' in your 'blank'...because I'm the 'Boss'...”

More guilty groans drawn from even more recitations of his lewd remarks. Then the spreads showing the printed images he sent online. One by one, Rhys listed them off in front of him, asking—almost taunting—if they were his. “This is you, correct?”

Sun was forced to look at his own image. From his confident smirk to his chiseled abs which, up until now, he was so proud of. Now, they made him feel dirty. “Y-yeah... T-that's me, hah-hah.”

The journalist flipped the page, exposing the next set of photographs. “And these are pictures of your—”

“Someone kill me now,” the faunus cried. “Yes! Okay, you made your point. Please, stop!”

Rhys folded his arms. “It looks like...you came here. To have sex with an underaged girl.”

Sun didn't know what came over him but he decided to roll with it. At least to save some dignity. “We were role-playing in a chatroom, dude.”

“You were role-playing,” the man repeated incredulously.

“Yeah. People do that a lot in these chatrooms.”

“So...this fourteen-year-old girl agreed to role-play with you. Involving sexually explicit scenery. That you convinced her to indulge in. And that you made clear several times...that you intended to realize in person.”

If Sun had Coco's shades, he would have put them on and sunk into this rattan chair to hide his mountain of shame. “It wasn't...it was part of the role-playing.”

“What? Sending pictures of your genitals?”

“It...it h-helps...immersion?”

Try as he might, Mister Cranson always had a stronger rebuttal, further reinforced by that fucking chat log as well as his own incriminating evidence. The faunus sunk his head deeper and deeper into his hands until he could nearly assumed the fetal position while seated on a stool.

“What do you think should happen to you?” the journalist asked him after the round of questioning ended.

Sun folded into himself, unable to meet his interrogator in the eye. He had already been defeated and Rhys was only twisting the blade. Funny how an acrobatic Huntsman-in-training could so easily be subdued through words by a media man who probably did not have his Aura unlocked. “... I should...probably get help... Y'know, like, counseling and stuff...”

Rhys nodded understandably. “There's something I gotta tell you.”

The monkey faunus knew what was coming even before he raised his head.

“I'm Rhys Cranson with Timeline BNC.” Then the cameras came out. As if no one was not expecting them, anyway. “And we're doing a story on adult men looking to meet kids online...”

Sun's internal wailing drowned out the rest of the tag line. He knew the fucking show, damn it. He got it. Just give him the coup de grace already!

“You're free to leave.”

“... Thank you, sir,” was his dejected response. Once outside, he finally let out all the pent up anguish. Granted, he was wise enough not to resist and dropped to his knees with his hands behind his head. Though, that did not stop him from being violently tackled by the Menagerie Gendarmerie.

* * *

_“Among our first guests is twenty-one-year-old Sun Wukong. A monkey faunus from Vacuo, he travelled all the way from his bunkhouse in Vale to meet with what he believed to be a fourteen-year-old cat faunus named Blake...”_

* * *

**ORIGINALLY DRAFTED: November 6, 2018**

**LAST EDITED: November 15, 2018**

**INITIALLY UPLOADED: November 15, 2018**

**NOTE: I am unapologetic.**


End file.
